when i had my first baby, i was 22.  i had just finished college and had absolutely nothing to do but make this beautiful baby a guiding light for all other mothers to look to for the obvious way that all children should be.  he was an easy baby.  he slept all night for the first time at nine days old.  the only night he really cried was his first night in the hospital.  we are still not sure what all that was about.  perhaps he feels the same way about hospitals as his mother....  my labor with him was difficult and traumatic.  i really didn’t know what to expect in birthing a baby, but i can assure you, what happened in that delivery room was not it.  it was awful.  and i think i was much closer to death than what any of the medical personnel in the room were leading me to believe.  in retrospect, i should have taken a birthing class.  :) 

     hudson was my world!  he was chubby and happy and adorable.  i loved to kiss him, and he loved to suck on my face.  i dressed him like a little man....a little stylish man.   we read books, played blocks and built roads for his hot wheels.  when he was 2 and got a guitar and drums for christmas, we formed a band.  and we were good!  we would sing, he would play, and i would dance.  hudson never was much of a dancer.  i think my skills may have intimidated him.  i tried desperately to get him to join me, but the dirty looks he gave me for asking him to dance started quite early on in his life.  

     as hudson got older, his interests became geared towards things like spiderman, star wars, skateboarding, and dinosaurs.  oh my goodness, how could anyone who knows hudson forget the dinosaur years?!?!  i learned more about the t-rex than i had ever intended on learning.  i desperately attempted to answer questions about spiderman and the green goblin, and learn to just close my eyes as he would attempt trick after trick on his skateboard.  

     soon, he was off to school....and then a few minutes later, he was in junior high.  the speed at which it all has started to go is freaking me out a bit.  discussions of driving, when he can get his license in terms of when we are in the states.  discussions of what classes to take and when for graduation.  discussions of what he is going to do after high school...the where and the how.  

     i can honestly say that i have enjoyed every year of his life.  i can look back at the last 15 years and know that i tried my best to squeeze every second out of this experience of mothering my hudson.  except that i’ve known since the beginning that he wasn’t mine at all.  

i remember when hudson was about 6 years old, and one day as i was praying for him, the Holy Spirit led me to the piano.  i began to play and to sing a song from my heart of how God had given him to me, but i was to give him back to God.  like many parents i know, we had dedicated all of our children to Lord when they were babies.  we had prayed for direction and wisdom as we raised this child and our others.  we had recognized that he wasn’t ours in the first place.  but somehow, on this particular day, i suppose God needed to remind me that he was on loan.  that i had this awesome responsibility to raise a warrior.  that it was my mandate to protect him, to train him, to instruct him.  and whoa!!!  what a responsibility!  but more than that, i had stopped to realize that God had entrusted me with this most precious gift.  he entrusted me!!!  i love hudson, olivia, griffin and ella more than words can possibly say, and i can only imagine that God loves them that much more.  i often wonder if he is pleased as he looks at me and how i am parenting?  is he pleased with how i am handling these priceless gifts? 

     i know that i am not the only mom that sees her children this way.  i know i’m not the only mom that believes her children to be super special in the most super amazing way.  i believe that God wants us to see our children that way.  after all, that is how he sees them.  in fact, it’s how he sees us.  

     everyday i pray that my children seek wisdom, strength, and the character of God.  i pray that God would guide them, and that they would hear his voice.  i pray for boldness and courage to be who they’ve been called to be.   i pray that they make not only the right decisions, but righteous decisions.  

     so, on this day, the day we celebrate my firstborn, i want to tell him how proud of him that i am.  i want him to know that i am praying for him each and every day.  i want him to know that there has not been one day of his life that i was not so proud to be his mom that i didn’t get choked up just thinking about it.

     hudson, happy 15th!  i have loved watching who you have become and look forward to seeing all that God has for you to do.  i love you!  

pallets, monkeys, goats....

i've gotten so completely out of the habit of blogging.  there are a multitude of reasons for this...none of which i will go into...but i'm going to try and get back on this wagon.

our days here are far from mundane.  i just rarely take the time to tell about them...

the kids woke up around 6:30, but didn't really get angry about not having breakfast until closer to 7:30.  we are still on summer vacation...even though it isn't actually summer here.  however, if i said winter vacation, no one on either side would have any idea what i am talking about.  as they don't say winter vacation here at all....it's term holiday or something like that.  that being said,  for the sake of this blog, i will say that we are indeed still on "summer" vacation.  now keep in mind that since we had teams here from the time school let out, back in may, until late july....we technically just got started on this break.

ANYWAY.....   we didn't get out of bed until closer to 8....and that was quite wonderful.  we had a container that was supposed to be delivered at 8, and a long term team that is here with another organization that was supposed to be here at 9 to help unload.  because of all of this, randy and i didn't get to go for our morning walk/run.  at this point i am going to just say that i cannot wait until christmas time when we can run in oklahoma and texas where the ground is flat.  the mountains here are so completely brutal, and everyday i swear that i will never walk/run them again...but i do...because i like to eat and stay in my current clothing size all at the same time.  anyway, it's safe to say that randy got his workout in anyway...unloading and storing containers of food is quite a calorie burner.  unfortunately for me, the most energy i exerted was the excitement i gave out when i realized how good of shape the pallets were in that the food was stored on in the container.  truly, these pallets are in magnificent shape and i hope to build much awesomeness with them.  you know you live in africa when.....

moving on...... yesterday we went to the manzini market and bought about 70 lbs of potatoes, carrots, apples and bananas.   sooo, i decided to make hash browns out of the potatoes and then freeze them so that we can have an easy breakfast every now and again.  that kept me busy for about and hour or so this morning while randy and the team were unloading all of the food from the container.   after that i took hudson and olivia to meet some friends, who are also on break, to see a movie.  when the little kids and i got back to the house, griffin noticed that the monkeys were coming up onto the back porch.  this is very unusual because our dogs do a really great job of keeping the monkeys away.  the seeing of the monkeys prompted the question, where are the dogs?!?!  i started asking around and no one had seen them all day.  the dogs are able to get out on their own....and we know sometimes they do, but usually they come back in a timely manner.  nonetheless, i had to deal with the monkeys myself....well, i asked randy to help.  there were a LOT of them after all.  so anyway, while i'm chasing away the monkeys, i realize that they had gotten into the bananas, which randy and the team were eating as a morning snack outside.  that really made me angry and the chasing of the monkeys became more hysterical.  not hysterical ha ha, but hysterical me yelling and screaming and clapping my hands in efforts to scare them away.  we scared them off and found maverick and ranger.  a successful day by all accounts...but it wasn't quite over.

some friends came over to borrow something before they left for johannesburg and she asked me if i needed anything.  i told her if she happened upon cocoa butter or shea butter, i would very much like some....as i want to make my own lip balm.  :)  go ahead and chalk that up to a good idea that i've spent considerable time researching.

after the container was unloaded and all of the food was stored, our friend eric and his wife stopped by the house.  when they came inside they saw all of my 70 lbs of fruits and vegetables.  eric asked me if i was selling them.  i laughed...  buying in bulk isn't the norm around here....he thinks we are hysterical.  like hysterical ha ha.   so then we all had a glass of juice over good conversation, which is where i began to share another one of my good ideas.  goat's milk!  because raw milk is superior to store bought milk and because milk is close to $6 a gallon here....i figure it would be a great way to save money and drink healthy!   eric thought me a little crazy at first....but i think i have him sold!  i think i had him at goat cheese.....  which i was told how to make at lunch today by one of the girls who helped us unload the container.  it's like it was meant to be.  really.

so in summary, i made hash browns from some of my bulk potatoes.  i explained my need for shea butter or cocoa butter for the making of my own lip balm.  i chased monkeys.  i "learned" how to make goat cheese.  i convinced someone to buy a goat.  i can go to bed now.

hold a spot for me, rio de janeiro!

i am too tall to be a gymnast, and too short to be a swimmer.  but i have to say, these were not the only reasons holding me back in what apparently could have been an amazing olympic career.  an olympic career that i’m not so sure i should give up on!  there were other reasons, lack of flexibility for one.  i blame this on my long homeschool experience.  i’m pretty sure i had never done so much as one stretch until my junior year, when i finally did go to normal school.  that was the worst year!  there were jumping jacks, bike rides, tennis and stretching....it was dreadful.  then there is the overall lack of coordination.  i mean, sure i’m an outstanding dancer...but beyond that....i  have a hard time.  when it comes to swimming...well, i don’t like to be wet.  i never have.  and i really don’t like to put my face under water.  the only swim that i have actually mastered is the dead man’s float...and i’m not positive that is an actual “swim”.  all of  this is to say nothing of having to be in a swimsuit all of the time.  i really cannot think of anything worse.   but this year, while watching the olympics, i for the first time was made aware of an olympic sport that i really think i could possibly be interested in.  first, near as i can tell, you can eat whatever you want.  that is a plus no matter how you slice it.  second, you get to wear a fluffy jumpsuit.  how fantastic is that?!?!  it hides any extra weight gain...sort of, and you can put all kinds of supplies in it...as it also comes with a cool tool belt like thing attached.  you get to wear a hat...which means i don’t have to fix my hair.  AND i can wear sunglasses that wrap all the way around my face...which means i don’t have to wear make up either!  it’s a win/win really.  so, i have decided that i am going to start training for skeet shooting!  bring on the gold in 2016!  

we are still alive and kicking...

today i saw a man wearing a bib.  like a perfectly normal man who was not partaking of unusually large seafood.  he was casually sitting there as if he were having a business luncheon.  the other luncheon attendees were not wearing bibs....so it was not a company uniform.  it was a cloth material...not disposable.  it had a tie on the back, but looked like it could be put on the same way one would put on a "bib" at the dentist.  it covered his entire frontal region.  i'm ok with this should it become a trend....just for the record.

it's autumn here and it is quite lovely.  perfect actually.  a little chilly in the mornings and evenings...absolutely beautiful during the day.  i wish very much that it would stay like this year round.  there were several nights in a row that i did not have to wash bugs out of my bath tub before i entered.  this is a good sign that the cold is causing them to go wherever it is that bugs go when it is cold.  even my freakishly unbelievable ant problem has subsided a bit.  i'm so happy about this...because i thought i was going to go insane.  and i'm quite certain that i have consumed enough ant protein to last me until next summer.

last night the family attended a passover meal at church.  every time they would speak of Jesus' death...griffin was quick to announce, BUT HE CAME BACK TO LIFE!  BUT HE CAME BACK TO LIFE!  i'm glad he understands.  ella spent most of her time under the table where the basins were for all of us to wash our hands.  she wasn't alone...i think i saw like 15 kids under there at one point.  the passover was a long meal...and sometimes 2 year olds just can't make it through the whole thing.  she ate her unleavened bread way before the proper time...and then she was on her way.

today we went to the basket market and bought some baskets for the kids to decorate.  griffin started out by saying he wanted a soccer ball one like last year...or maybe a football one.  he soon realized they got a basket basket here.  it was ok to him....as he rarely gets out of the house...so he was just grateful for the opportunity.

i'm starting to forget things about the states.  like what cities are named around where we used to live.  restaurants and store names too.  the other day one of the kids found an american quarter...i couldn't remember what it was called!  randy looked at me like i was crazy.  i am a little crazy...i think it's from lack of sleep through the years...but still, i think i'm starting to forget some things....and not just because i'm a little nuts-o.

randy is teaching a block course right now, and of course the other usual stuff that he does.  the kids have 10 more weeks of school....that's ok, i love what we are learning. :)  i'm trying to work with griffin on writing...but he purposely draws in circles instead of straight lines.  he's 4...i'm not worried.  ella can say anything, any word...even if she has a pacifier in her mouth.  she can talk around that thing no problem!  as a general rule she is only allowed to have it in bed...but sometimes she finds one...and well...whatever.  she's number 4 for crying out loud....i clearly gave up trying to do everything perfect YEARS ago.  the important thing is, griffin no longer has a paci.  yes, i realize he is 4 and that really isn't anything to brag about...

anyway, olivia and griffin have started a tumbling class.  olivia is doing really well.  griffin still looks a bit like a soggy noodle out there on the mat, but i think in time he will get there.   mostly i just love to watch his floppy curls dance around as he does "flips."  he loves going because there are so many other little boys there his age.  two of his friends are twins.  the other day i heard him ask one of them which kid was his brother?  wow.  they are twins!  i mean like, for real, i can't tell them apart kind of twins.  i'm thinking that was the first time that kid had ever heard that question.  griffin seems quite oblivious to the fact that they look the same.  which makes me think two things.  1) he has an unnatural ability to tell twins apart and see their differences in a way that no one else can or 2) he thinks he is playing with the same person over and over again.  i just don't know....

hudson is also doing fine.  he is 14....and that is really all i have to say about that....

some things i don't understand....

-why central heat and air didn't catch on all over the world.  america, you are awesome....if judged only by this one thing...you are awesome.
-why i moved to a country that doesn't have the poison control center right after having the child that i need poison control center for the most!
-why pizza hut isn't world wide
-why ella repeatedly climbs on top of the kitchen counters even after being punished....repeatedly.
-why my dogs drool on me
-why everyone isn't as addicted to naturalnews.com as i am
-why everyone doesn't have a ferocious appetite for reading
-why i am the only one in my house that can find anything....
-how piles of stuff end up all over my house that i don't know what to do with....
-why griffin loves to pee outside so much
-why target isn't world wide....
-why anyone would not be interested in politics...it shapes and defines our nations and our children's future
-why they call them swimming costumes here instead of swimsuits
-why griffin won't say the boy wearing the black shirt instead of saying the black boy.  it's not really inter-changable
-how i could get one dog so smart and the other one so the exact opposite of smart from the same litter.
-why sometimes my water is brown
-why ella has loved spicy food since the day she first started eating
-why my kids have to argue the entire time they clean the kitchen....
-why mcdonalds IS world wide....

getting older

getting older

this blog goes along with the previous one concerning mentoring.  so while it may not fit in the category of comedy...as much of my life seems to...it’s still worth mentioning.  

as a mom of 4 children, one of which is an almost 10 year old girl.  i find myself contemplating a lot about what i want for her to learn from me.  for some women, what they want for their daughters to learn from them, includes things like cooking, how to care for her family, getting a good education, learning to sew, a love of reading, being independent, being confident....the list could go on and on....

what i want for my daughter, what i want for my children....i want them to enjoy the stage of life that they are in.  i want them to take joy in the process.  i want them to be observant and comfortable enough with who they are and what they know, that they they can enjoy every stage...every season.  not to wish any of it away, or wish that they could go back.  i want them to be wise enough to make decisions that don’t cause pain.  i want them to have wisdom to see that when they age....they should attain wisdom with each and every passing day.  i want my daughters to see that i don’t mourn the 110 lb, 26 year old woman i used to be.  the woman who didn’t know then what i do know now.  i want my daughter to see that i am happy with who God made me to be for today, for yesterday, for tomorrow.  i want to age in such a way that my wisdom, my experience, my knowledge is seen.  

before we left the states, i had become troubled by so many women around me.  women who seemed to be in competition with their daughters over attention.  women who desired more to be their daughters’ friends than their mentors.  we should not be so caught up with our own insecurities that we are unable to mentor our daughters through theirs.  insecurity should never be a trait that we pass down to our children.  but until we are confident in who we are, in who we have been created to be, in WHAT we have been created to be....we will do just that.  

yes, i’m 36 now.  yes, i weigh more than 110 lbs.  no, everything isn’t in the same place it was 10 years and 2 kids ago.  BUT...BUT i now walk in more compassion, i am politically aware, i can say i’m sorry easier than i could back then, i’m a better worship leader, i’m a better mom, i hold loved ones more closely, i have been hurt...and learned from it, i have made mistakes....and learned from them, i have learned to walk in EVEN MORE faith than before, i have learned to trust God even more than before, i have learned to light a match without being scared, i’ve become so much better on the piano, i’m better with money, i’ve learned to live with dogs for crying out loud!  every year, every day is a growing up experience.  an experience that we can share with our children, an experience that we can use to make us better moms, wives, daughters, sisters, friends.... don’t despise getting older.  embrace the years that God’s given you. the years that have made you smarter, wiser, a better friend, a better listener, a better giver, a better person.  

what do i want olivia and ella to learn from me? i want them to learn to love every stage that life brings them.  i want them to embrace it with wild, crazy passion!   i want them to love being 9 and 2.  i want them to ignore friends who tear them down.  i want them to see jealousy for what it is.  i want them to never say a bad word about anyone.  i want them to be kind to everyone.  i want them to value intelligence. i want them to embrace their femininity.  i want them to love being little girls. i want them to love being women.  i want them to love every stage in between.  i want them to love the vibrance of youth and the wisdom of old age.  to never wish any of it away.  everyone gets older...why fight it?  doesn’t it make more sense to use it not only to our advantage, but to the advantage of those who are coming up after us? 

mentoring

mentoring

while i don’t consider myself to be that old...i figure being closer to 40 than to 30 puts me ahead of a lot of women out there.  a friend of mine and i were discussing the passage in the bible that tells the older women to mentor the younger women.  i don’t usually consider myself to be someone who has great insight as to what the bible says.  or someone who can articulate it well anyway.  but that doesn’t remove my responsibility.  so here it goes.

in my 36 years, there is one thing that pretty much drives me crazy.  it’s how i determine someone’s spiritual age.  it’s how i determine those who i will allow to be close to me.  it’s how i determine who i trust.  it’s gossip.  when i hear it, i will likely not be good friends with the person doing it.  why?  because i don’t trust my name...in their mouth.  if someone will talk about other people to you, they will talk about you to other people.  and that, i just don’t care for.  the other reason i don’t like to be around gossips... they make it easier to gossip.  and i don’t want to gossip!  i feel convicted about gossiping.  i am suppose to feel convicted about gossip.  gossip is wrong.  it makes me uncomfortable.  it should make everyone uncomfortable.  

moving on,  while it may or may not be considered gossip.  i don’t like it when people tell  someone else’s business.  or when someone else tells my business.  a few years back i decided that if it’s not my story to tell....then i’m not going to tell it.  IT’S NOT MY NEWS TO TELL!  i know people who seem to thrive on being the first to tell everyone’s news.  good, bad or otherwise.  i don’t want to be that person.  just because i know things...doesn’t mean i have to tell things.  i promise, being the person that doesn’t share other people’s business...will get you in a lot less trouble.  some may say, if it’s good news, it’s ok.  as a general rule, i tend to disagree.  if that person wants everyone to know....they will tell everyone.  in the mean time, our best bet is to be quiet.  

i realize that sometimes things come out of our mouths that shouldn’t.  for some of us more than others.  the important thing is that we are aware of when we have said something we shouldn’t have.  DON’T JUSTIFY IT!  just plead guilty, ask forgiveness, and DON’T do it again!